thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
