Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
