I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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