I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
