i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
