I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
