she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
