So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
