So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
