My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
