ugly people sure do ruin things
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
