Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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