True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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