i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
