I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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