that's an acceptable place to lick
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
