I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think your dad took our porno
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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