why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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