This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
