Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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