There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
