every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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