filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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