You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
