Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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