sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
