my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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