If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
