I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
