I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
No stitches, just platelets and will power
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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