so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Drunk is a universal language darling
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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