I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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