Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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