I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
