I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
