she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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