Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
