Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
