TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
