I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
