My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
