He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
