im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
