this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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