dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
