It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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