after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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