wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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