Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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