You're completely useless in the revolution.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
