Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
