why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
