also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
