someone threw a dead crab at me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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