Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I need to stop coming to work sober
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
