DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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